“Forget yesterday. It has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow. You haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes, and your heart to a truly precious gift; today.”
As Valentine’s Day (a.k.a. Single Awareness Day lol) is around the corner, I’ve started considering my own journey through singleness and wanted to share with you some things I’ve learned along the way. However, I do have a couple of disclaimers. This is not an I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T I don’t need a man post. It is not a guide on what to do while you’re waiting on marriage, as I realize that may not be the desire for everyone. Nor is it a post stating that we should all be alone because I do believe that God put us here to enjoy life and make memories with a significant other. This post is about you, your life, and being whole. I want you to consider viewing singleness not only as a gift, but also a time in your life for personal development. I believe that our purpose on this Earth is greater than getting married or “getting chose” as some say. Many people want to be in a relationship one day and don’t want to be alone, but what if this season is purposed for you to develop personally, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and even physically? A time to become everything God intended for you to be. I want to share with you five ways I chose to maximize my singleness and make the most out of every day of my life. How I chose to stop wishing, hoping, waiting and obsessing over “tomorrow” and started living for today.
1. Take a solo trip for the soul
As we all know, I have absolutely no problem booking a flight and traveling to places I’ve never been before. I’ve traveled with friends, family, groups of people I’ve met for the first time when I arrived at the destination and I’ve even taken a solo trip! Yes, I have traveled alone before and I highly encourage everyone to do so if you can. To be honest, solo trips can work for anyone whether you’re in a relationship, single, married, introverted, extroverted or otherwise. You learn a lot about yourself traveling solo and you get the chance to step outside of your comfort zone to meet new people, discover a new place, move at the beat of your own drum, as well as time to reflect. Personal growth often happens in solitude and it can be refreshing, inspiring, and invigorating. When is the last time you had to follow your instincts and listen to your inner voice? When is the last time you were able to enjoy solitude during your vacation and not have to worry about the actions or needs of travel companions? When is the last time you did something for the first time? I promise you will not regret taking a solo trip and you will be so happy that you did when you return. Take that leap of faith if you haven’t already and embrace the adventure of solo travel!
2. Focus on being whole
Sometimes living your best life is not always an outer expression, but focusing on your inner self. As mentioned in my previous post, I made the conscious decision to find out exactly who I am and focus on becoming whole. Life doesn’t begin when you get in a relationship and neither does your purpose or identity. Have you ever asked yourself, what do I like to do? How do I like to spend my time? What brings me joy and happiness? What are my non-negotiables, morals, and standards? Along the lines of traveling solo, I’ve even taken myself out for dinner and a glass of wine and had a “Netflix and chill” session right at home a couple of times. Some of you may think this is crazy and even embarrassing (lol), but I think it is an act of confidence! There is something liberating about not having the pressure of ALWAYS feeling like you have to have someone to do things or go places. If you want to go somewhere, go! Sometimes, you can learn more about yourself alone than you would in the company of others. There is nothing more attractive and alluring about a person that is sure of himself/herself and knows exactly what he/she wants! In the end, you want to be complete and lacking nothing when you do form a relationship with someone else.
3. Secure the bag
Once I realized the importance of self-sufficiency, I became financially stable. I learned how to save money and get out of debt, boost my credit score and even purchased a brand new house. I did all of these things to provide security for me and my future family. Some people tie their financial security to their significant other or even wait to get their finances together when they get in a relationship. Make sure that, at the end of the day, your pockets are filled and you’re not waiting and depending on a handout from anyone. Make sure that you can take care of you. Not only does financial security give you confidence, but also it sets the stage for your future and generations to come. These days, the focus should be on generating wealth, not simply becoming rich. Why not start laying a great financial foundation for your family now instead of waiting until later? And imagine if your future significant other has the same mindset and doing the same thing as you during this time! Both of you will be well-equipped and ready to build an empire together. Meanwhile, secure the bag sis!
4. View singleness as a gift, not a curse
Next, I began to embrace my single season for the gift that it is! I realized that singleness is a season where I have the freedom to get up and go and not have to answer to anyone but myself. I could decide on the company I kept or decide not to engage at all. I have the power to choose what my day looks like and my emotions are not dependent on the actions or lack thereof of someone else. With that being said, get out of the house, meet people, be social, go on dates and learn how to engage with diverse groups of people. Tis the season to make moves!
5. Live for today, not for tomorrow
What a time to be alive! Time that you will never get back or see again. One of the main reasons why I’ve made the conscious decision to thrive in this season is because of my fear of regret. I do not want to look back and wish I could have, should have, or would have done something differently. I also realized that it was unhealthy to consciously live day-to-day thinking about tomorrow and not living for today. Constantly asking myself when is this going to end? Is this man the one? So on and so forth. Instead, I check-in with myself daily and ask myself—Was today worth it? Did you give your very best? Did you do exactly what you needed to and wanted to do? Are you pleased with your life? I hope that you begin to live every single day as if it was your last and look at tomorrow as a gift. Thrive in this season of singleness (today) and when it is time for you to be with someone or get married then that would be the icing on the cake (the gift)!
Nothing lasts forever and I promise your time will come. Continue to focus on being the best you that you can be and keep your mentality worry-free. Comment below if you’ve ever shared similar sentiments or could relate in some way. I want to hear from you!
